Coming Out at Work: Bravery Doesn't Come Easy

Starting a new job is a crush of emotions. The sweaty palms and butterflies of the office walk around, the “hey, let’s go meet everyone.” The need to look cool and calm as the mind races – don’t let them see me sweat… is there something in my teeth?… is my shirt untucked?…

But for LGBTQ people, these emotions are doubled when dealing with the pressure and decision to come out at work.

Coming out is seen by many as a singular event, friends and family gathered on a family room sofa, but it’s not a one-time instance in the lives of LGBTQ individuals. It’s ongoing and really everyone they meet. At work, the list is long: immediate manager, coworkers, other managers, clients, and more.

For some, “coming out” in this fashion is no big deal. For others, nagging doubts of “how might this play?” are enough to give pause – and sometimes we decide it’s just not worth it.

Research shows that coming out at work is an important step to achieve higher levels of work satisfaction and self-esteem. Also, employers appreciate the commitment to the company shown by people who are open about themselves. But not everyone feels they can do that. Discrimination in many places and industries might put employees at risk of harassment from colleagues, management or even of job loss.

At Cantina, the most valuable resource we have is our people, and a diversity of backgrounds, ideas, options, and life experiences is something we genuinely care about.

With that in mind and to celebrate Pride Week in Boston, we asked six LBGTQ individuals to talk about what coming out at work was like for them.

Allison Sigrist

I came out as a lesbian when I was 19 and in college in the very liberal city of Ithaca, NY. So it was quite a change to come back home to the North Shore of Massachusetts to live and look for a job, especially with my father saying “Never tell anybody! You’ll get fired!”

Equal employment protection for LGBT folks in Mass had only been in place for a year or two, so it wasn’t an unreasonable concern. But after awhile, I decided that even if I wasn’t going to come out with a big pronouncement, I would never deny it if asked.

I was put to the test for the first time when the head engineer at my workplace came over and said “I’m familiar with the multicolored Apple logo that people put on their cars, but what does the triangle with the rainbow stripes on your car mean?”

I took a deep breath and answered him. He seemed uncomfortable and made a quick exit. I was left shaking and waiting to see if I’d be escorted out of the building with my belongings in a box. Instead, we wound up talking more about it later, and ultimately, our working relationship grew stronger and better.

Even if you’re not consciously thinking about it, being in the closet creates a level of mental overhead for yourself and can also create walls between you and your colleagues, since there’s always a level of self-censorship you have to perform.

I’m happy to say that in subsequent comings-out on the job, my experiences were similar -- working relationships grew and I didn’t have to expend mental energy trying to keep part of myself out of the workplace.

Andy Parquette

I've joined several different companies throughout my career, and my sexuality was always something I was careful about. "Would I seem too "gay"? "Would I make people uncomfortable?" "Is my voice too feminine?"

All those concerns on top of normal ones, "Will they see me as an equal?" "Will I do a good job here?" -- it's exhausting!

Finally, and I think this came with turning 30, I told myself, "ENOUGH! You're you, and if someone has a problem with it, that's their problem".

I decided, as long as I present myself professionally and do my job, nothing else about me should matter. When casual conversations about the weekend come up, I mention the weekend trip my boyfriend and I took to the Cape.

I feel honored and blessed to be able to be so open and frank about my sexuality. It's an incredible thing to see all these pride flags all over Boston. It really shows how far we've come as a community; a community I'm proud to be a part of.

Clark Van Der Beken

I came out to family and friends when I was 25. By then, I was already working at my second job out of college at a well-known advertising agency in Manhattan.

You'd think a creative industry like advertising would be a comfortable place to come out, but it wasn't for me. The actions and water cooler conversations from my team told me I couldn't trust them with a very personal detail of my life.

When I left to move back to my hometown in New Hampshire, I took a job at a smaller digital agency. It's there I found a team that was as close as family. Their actions and words told me it was a safe space to be my self and come out as a gay man.

Danika Suggs

I suppose I "came out" when I was 25, when I started dating my girlfriend -- now fiancée. I'm not really a fan of describing things this way, since I don't consider myself to have been "in" anywhere.

It just wasn't obvious to some people, because I had previously only dated men. I had learned from my friends' experiences in high school that if you went around announcing that you were bisexual -- especially as a teenage girl-- people would accuse you of doing it for attention.

So I never announced it.

When I eventually started dating a woman, I talked about her as I would any of the other people I've dated. The first time I mentioned her at work, the response was something along the lines of "I thought you were dating a guy before" and my response was "Yep. Stopped dating him. Now dating her."

Thankfully it was that simple. The only awkward thing that's ever happened at work is someone assuming that "my girlfriend" meant "my gal pal." LOL

Linda Mateos-Powell

I don’t really have a “coming out” at work story, mostly because I made a conscious decision at age 19, after coming out to my immediate family (mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law) and closest friends, that I would never live my life again “in the closet”.

Fortunately, my friends and family were supportive and I just figured that it didn’t really matter what other people thought about me. In college, and then later in the workplace, I found that by just being myself and casually talking about topics like relationships or dating in an honest way, classmates and colleagues didn’t act any differently around me.

In a way, by just being me on a daily basis with whomever I encounter, whether it be a new coworker, a client, or a complete stranger, it “normalizes” being gay. I’m grateful that I live in a liberal state like Massachusetts where gay families are more commonplace and accepted. And, I’m especially thankful for those who came before us, as well as those who continue today, to fight to protect LGBTQ rights.

Oscar

(This person’s name has been changed due to family reasons).

I came out on the same day I interviewed at Cantina.

I’d missed my first interview because I was sick, and my second because I was on vacation. Third time was a charm. Cantina was THE place that I wanted to work. By the time my interview was over I was covered in flop sweat — overall a giant raw nerve.

Afterwards, I met a friend for drinks at a bar nearby. Several drinks in, I blurted out something I’d wanted to say for years — the hardest sentence I’d ever articulated. “I’m gay.”

That day was an inflection point in my life — new job, newly out. A clean start if there ever was such a thing.

I wish that I could not care what people think, but I do. I will sometimes temper my words, use vague pronouns when describing my dates. Maybe it’s because “the look” people sometimes have — that mental recalibration, that realization of “oh.”

Cantina is the place where I feel most comfortable — perhaps because I see how my colleagues here are treated, and how that extends onward to me. It’s not only where I’m the most “out,” it’s where I can be the most “out.”

I wish everywhere could be that way.

The best work environments are created where people are able to be themselves and know they’re supported by their colleagues. Building an inclusive environment starts with an awareness of common assumptions and challenges people face when they decide to come out.

Keeping Company Culture Alive in a Remote Time

A highly collaborative, interactive, and supportive culture has always been important at Cantina. But how do we maintain this culture when COVID-19 is forcing us to work remotely? Luckily, we have a ton of creative minds at Cantina, and we’ve been able to come up with new ways to connect remotely - from online game nights to virtual happy hours. Most importantly, with our weekly Hive Mind design meetings, we’ve been able to keep our culture alive in new and exciting ways.

At Cantina we live by the philosophy of “work hard, play hard,” and nowhere is this more evident than with our Hive Mind design meetings. An every Friday afternoon mind-meld, the Hive Mind is a place where Cantina designers, developers, and others come together to teach each other and learn from each other. It started out small, with several designers coming together to talk about hot trends in innovation and design, and it has grown from there! We added fun games to work on our presentation skills, as well as field trips to stretch our ethnographic research muscles. We created a place to come together and connect, laugh, and learn from each other. It became a rich cultural touchstone for Cantina; and something we all looked forward to on Friday afternoons.

Then COVID-19 hit.

Luckily, we’ve accommodated remote attendees in our weekly Hive Mind meetings from the beginning. For this reason, the transition to all remote sessions was easy, but keeping the culture alive and our spirits up proved more challenging. Some things cannot be fabricated. So how do we maintain the strong sense of community we’ve worked so hard to build in the face of the pandemic?

To keep our culture thriving from the comfort of our homes, we added breakout room chats with fun prompts; we worked with presenters ahead of time to brainstorm ways to engage participants remotely; and we curated a variety of topics and formats to work well in a remote setting. Recent examples include an interactive series on the history of UI animation and pub-style design trivia, as well as discussions about designing for behavior change in a pandemic, and an exploration of the legacy of Isabella Stewart Gardner. We’ve been actively experimenting with different formats, and we’ve been using these insights to help inform how we collaborate and communicate with our clients during the pandemic. A win for our team, and a win for our clients.

The transition has been smooth. Nice job keeping the momentum going and finding diverse and engaging topics and activities that lend themselves to the remote format. We are still having fun and learning.- Krista Siniscarco, Director of Research and Design Strategy

The transition to remote has been largely successful for the Hive Mind. While the format has changed from our lounge to Zoom meetings, the quality of the content hasn’t wavered and continues to impress - every week there are different speakers who share their thoughts and expertise about various topics, which is always my favorite part of the Hive Mind.- Dakota Kim, Engineer

It’s an ever-evolving process. Hive Mind started with several designers, has grown to include the entire company, and now has an archival website and content calendar. We’ve strived to maintain flexibility, while staying organized and forward-thinking and keeping it fun. Cantina is a special place because of its people. During the pandemic, we’ve adapted and continue to turn to the Hive Mind to connect with our peers and unwind for an hour while learning something new.

Product Strategy: How to Give Your Customers What They Really Want

Tell me if this sounds familiar…you and your team are in debate over the latest product your company is designing and building, trying to make a case for this feature or that feature. You’re up to 25 features, your designer is crying, and your engineers are pulling their hair out. Does this scenario sound familiar?

It’s not unlike preparing for and hosting a large dinner party when you think about it. You and your partner might be arguing over what your guests want: Should there be a theme? Should it be a plated dinner or buffet? Beer and wine only? Vegetarian, gluten-free, non-alcoholic options? Dancing or no dancing? You and your partner each assume you know best because “you know your guests, ” right? How do you create a great experience and dinner party for everyone?

This is an all too common issue that many of us face, product owners and dinner-party planners alike. Collectively, we’re all trying to solve these important questions:

• How do we understand the needs of our customers and guests, and provide them with a rich experience that brings them joy and also addresses their core needs?

• How do we create excitement over our product or dinner party and compete with all of the other options out there?

• How do we create a unique and compelling experience that people will talk about and share with their friends?

• How do we do all of this on time and on a budget without all of the stress, tension, and uncertainty that typically comes with designing, building, and launching a product or throwing a large dinner party?

Let’s start with the dinner party scenario.

Ask Questions

You want everything to go perfectly, but you don’t really know where to begin. You can start by talking with your guests about their desires, needs, and expectations. Ask them what they would hope to get out of a dinner party. Do they hope for it to be casual, or more upscale and formal? Ask them about any dietary restrictions or needs… maybe Carl is gluten-free now and needs gluten-free options. Do they want music and dancing? These conversations can be casual phone calls or sit down coffees, just make sure you’re asking the right questions to get the answers you seek, and don’t forget to get feedback from a variety of your friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.

The reason this is so important is that you’ll use this information to curate a rich experience that you know your guests are looking for. It may seem like a no-brainer but you’d be surprised by how many people skip this step and simply assume that they know what their guests will want. Never assume that you know your guests. You’ll be amazed by what you find out if you ask and pay particular attention to any common themes. Possible topics to discuss and get feedback on include: food, drinks, decor, entertainment, timing, seating, size of the dinner party, etc.

When designing and building a new product, your bread and butter is also feedback. Interviewing your potential customers is a great way to understand what they’re looking for in a new product, what features they’d like to have and, most importantly, what they would actually be willing to pay for. Just like guests at a dinner party, their answers may surprise you. So often we think we know who our customers are, and we try to deliver on a set of assumptions without actually validating them or talking with potential customers.

There are many different methods for collecting this critical customer feedback: surveys, interviews, workshops, etc. It’s a good idea to start from square one as often as you can. Wipe the slate clean, pretend that you know nothing about your customers and talk to them again and again. This not only gets you the valuable information that you need to create a better product, but it makes your customers feel heard and will help to build a foundation of trust. It also helps to create excitement around your product. Your future customers will like the fact that you are reaching out, engaging them, and continually trying to create a better experience for them with features that they want and need.

Research the Competition

As you continue your research for your dinner party, it’s a good idea to look at the calendar and map out competing events, and it is also a good idea to survey your guests, and find out what other events they are aware of and might be invited to on the date that you wish to hold your party. Are there any other dinner parties or events vying for their attention around the same time?

Ask them about past dinner parties they’ve attended and what made them so great (or so awful). It’s important to understand the competition so you can provide an experience that will be different, and will leave a lasting impression on your guests. Maybe a few of your priority guests have attended a recent event, and they have valuable, top-of-mind feedback for you. They complain to you about all the children that were running around at a recent event and how distracting it was. Maybe they had to eat standing up and hated the fact that they had nowhere to set their drink down. Take all of this into consideration, and make sure that you design an event that addresses the core issues, needs, and desires that you are learning about.

Your company’s new product can benefit from studying the attributes and features of other products as well. This exercise is called a competitive analysis, and it is a great way for you to understand your competition and how you can differentiate your product. Check out what your competitors are doing and put yourself into your customers’ shoes.

Ask yourself, “Why does my customer care?” “What does my customer really need and want?” And be sure to validate this with your customers. Take this information and use it to inform your product design and the feature set that you prioritize. There are many ways to do a competitive analysis, but a tried and true way is to pull up an excel document, and document all your competitors’ products across the columns. Down the rows, you’ll add what you’re looking to compare. Look into customer reviews, pricing (if applicable), features, design, etc. Here’s an example:

Once you have completed a thorough analysis of your competitors’ products you can identify areas where they are failing or falling short, as well as critical gaps in competitor offerings and the customer experience - this is where you should be focusing your efforts for customers.

Evaluate and Repeat

Let’s say your dinner party went off without a hitch. Guests left full and happy, and you are elated, smiling from ear to ear. You and your partner start to clean up. You should take a moment to reflect on why it went so well. Was the timing ideal? Was the food delicious? Did you have great entertainment? Evaluating the party, getting feedback from guests, and making notes for the next one is a great way for you to continually improve and to create an enjoyable experience for your guests at your next party. Your next party will surely be at the top of everyone’s list because your guests will recognize that you engaged them, listened to their opinions, and improved upon the things that didn’t go so well during your last party.

A post-mortem of your product launch is also important to fully grasp what went well, and what you may want to improve. Did you use your budget effectively? Was your team working late hours to make deadlines? How did you get there, and how can you improve upon that? Once you’ve had internal discussions, talk to your customers again. Ask them how they like the new product and features. Ask them to be candid and as honest as possible. Maybe you cut a feature out because of budget constraints and you’re getting a lot of feedback about how disappointing that is to customers. Consider adding that feature back for the next release.

Take that feedback internally and start the process all over again. Your product will be better for it and your customers will appreciate your efforts.

This is not meant to be a “one and done” type of a process. It’s meant to be done repeatedly so you can stay on top of your customer needs and your product’s evolution and future state. Set up monthly interviews with different subsets of your customers so you can understand how their needs change and how that may impact your near- and long-term product roadmap plans. Do a competitive analysis every quarter so you understand how the competition is changing, and you can change with it. Stay humble and keep improving.

Expert Generalists, and the Case for Outsourcing Product Management

When hiring a product manager, there is often a tug of war between whether to emphasize domain expertise or product management prowess. The ideal candidate is (no surprise) someone who can go deep on the subject matter and is an accomplished product manager (PM). But, what to do when the mythical candidate doesn’t materialize: hire a domain expert and train them to become a product manager? Hire a product manager and teach them the domain? Wait and hope for the purple squirrel to come along?

In reality, the tradeoffs are even murkier than that. It’s never either-or. The product manager must be stellar at either the fundamentals of being a product manager or the domain, and they must have some background with the other side. In other words, a strong PM generalist with an aptitude for the domain, or strong domain expertise with an aptitude for product management.

Ultimately, there is a recognition that in order to be a successful product manager in a specialized discipline, you need to have enough background to ask astute questions and detect when things seem “off”. This skill - the ability to know what questions to ask and to have a keen enough understanding of the domain to comprehend the answer and ask follow-up questions - is core to being a successful product manager. (Side note: The ability to ask pertinent, penetrating questions is also a core skill of being a good consultant, by the way. Coincidence? No.)

And when there is a debate about subject matter versus product management expertise, the real question folks are often getting at is: how long will it take this person to become productive, and will they have the skills to be successful?

According to Jeff Coyle, Chief Product Officer of MarketMuse, “It is harder to migrate from being a subject matter expert to a product manager with subject matter expertise.” This may be because subject matter experts have difficulty delegating responsibility to others, trusting them to execute on “their” vision. He adds, “While you would wish to find someone who has crossed that bridge and become both, those people are hard to come by and finding great product managers who rely on others is often a path to a faster “time to success” in a world where you can’t find that perfect person.”

Product managers are in high demand because of the pivotal role they play in bringing successful products to market. They are expected to straddle business, technology, market, and domain. In many organizations they are the connective tissue that operationalizes strategy, nurturing ideas and making educated decisions about what needs to get built when. This requires a deep understanding of their markets, customers, and how to utilize available technology to meet their organization’s overall business strategy.

Bottom line: It’s ok to be a generalist, as long as you’re a specialist, too.

Let us explain.

The Rise of the Expert Generalist.

A few years ago, specialization had its moment. Specialists and experts were celebrated, they’d put in their 10,000 hours to become masters of their domain (so to speak). And the public at large was mostly fine with that.

Single-minded focus is no longer in vogue, though. Expert, in some circles, has become the word that must not be named. The e-word.

There’s a new expert in town: the generalist.

The generalist movement is being driven in part by a cocktail of hyper-specialization (and the resulting dearth of people capable of filling such roles), a perceived credibility gap and widespread erosion of trust in long-standing institutions (government, established religion, corporations), and a backlash against established gatekeepers (academics, journalists, scientists, etc.).

David Epstein, author of Range, and a long-time skeptic of the 10,000-hour doctrine, points out that hyperspecialization is trending, “Across different fields, it has become more and more common to exalt increasingly narrow focus. Oncologists no longer specialize in cancer, but rather in cancer related to a single organ – and the trend advances each year. Surgeon and writer Atul Gawande pointed out that when doctors joke about left-ear surgeons, ‘we have to check to be sure they don’t exist.’”

When this level of focus becomes the norm, it becomes nearly impossible for anyone to be qualified enough to meet it.

How can you succeed is a world that is becoming more and more specialized, when the prevailing trend is to become a generalist? By becoming an expert generalist. It does not mean you are good at things “in general”, but it applies to people who are adept at, and interested in, having a broad knowledge base coupled with the ability to learn, in a reasonable amount of depth, about different subjects.

Orit Gadiesh, the chairman of Bain & Co, is credited with coming up with the term, and defines it as such: “Someone who has the ability and curiosity to master and collect expertise in many different disciplines, industries, skills, capabilities, countries, and topics., etc. He or she can then, without necessarily even realizing it, but often by design: 1. Draw on that palette of diverse knowledge to recognize patterns and connect the dots across multiple areas. 2. Drill deep to focus and perfect the thinking.”

This idea is similar to the T-shaped skillset, popularized by McKinsey Consulting and Tim Brown of IDEO, where a person has deep expertise in a single domain coupled with a broad (but shallow) understanding of other subjects and domains. Contrasted with the I-shaped (depth in a single domain) or dash-shaped (breadth but no depth) skillsets, a person with a T-shaped skillset often has the versatility, curiosity, and collaborative nature to straddle and succeed in disparate domains.

Expert generalists often have the advantage of the beginner’s mind along with “just enough knowledge” from other domains to understand and apply them elsewhere: identify patterns, connect the dots, improvise. They are able to bring knowledge and insight from one field (where, for example, a technique may have proven successful, or even failed), and apply it to other domains where it may have never been applied. Because they are not constrained (or tainted) by assumptions and biases which insiders may have become accustomed to, they are able to take an open-minded perspective, which may enable them to view a situation, problem or possible solution more accurately than an embedded expert.

It’s also important not to downplay the importance of being exposed to a broader set of ideas and people, and becoming the hub and connector of both ideas and people.

The downside of the expert generalist approach is that, without a deep understanding of a specific domain, there is an increased likelihood that you don’t know what you don’t know, and will stumble through and repeat well-known mistakes and dead ends. It also takes an outsider longer to ramp up, since they do not have the domain background to lean on.

How can an outsider supercharge your product management practice?

This article began by asking which is more essential for a new product manager to be a successful hire: product management expertise or domain expertise. For a PM to be successful long term, they will need to develop job-specific domain expertise. But, there are some critical aspects of product management in which an outsider (a.k.a. consultant) can provide nearly immediate benefit.

1. Competitive Analysis: Working independently or with a market / domain specialist, a product management consultant can conduct market and competitive research to understand user needs, competitive threats, and the overall competitive landscape, then develop appropriate solutions.

2. Market Segmentation: Deeply assess the userbase and usage patterns to determine where and how to target a product, or refine the feature set to more accurately match a particular segment’s needs.

3. Product Market Fit: Assess how the product is faring in the market, and how it can be fine-tuned or overhauled to improve market acceptance and penetration.

4. Product Metrics: What gets measured gets done. This is one area where an expert generalist product manager can have an outsized impact, by applying analytics best practices to a specific product or process.

5. Product Diagnostics: As with product metrics, an unbiased outsider can assist with reviewing what are essential parts of a product suite, and which parts are ripe for revamping, replacement, or removal.

6. Product Roadmapping: There are two aspects to product roadmapping: coming up with a strategic plan that aligns with the overall corporate vision and mission, and creating a tactical plan which can be executed. An outsider can provide tried and tested models and frameworks to create the roadmap, while also developing the narrative to use when selling the roadmap internally and externally.

7. Decision & Sharing Framework: Making decisions is hard. An outsider can run this process using a combination of established frameworks and expert, apolitical facilitation.

8. Product Backlog Activation: In conjunction with a product diagnostics evaluation, an outsider is perfectly suited to either review the product backlog and assist in prioritizing languishing features, or to fill in any gaps which might be needed for a feature request to be ready for development.

That said, there are some activities that simply require a product manager who is a specialist in the domain and an expert in product management techniques. For example, subject matter expertise is required to: work closely with sales and marketing to determine the marketing mix, messaging, and pitch to new or existing clients; provide in-depth product training; work with external analysts to position the product within the market.

Summary

There is a tension when hiring a product manager to bring on someone who is both an expert at the practice of product management and also steeped in the domain or market. The reason for looking for someone who possesses both skillsets is to ensure that they will be able to ramp up quickly, while also having the skills and background to be successful over the long term. Sometimes, it is just not possible to find both sets of expertise in a single candidate. In those cases, hire a product management expert generalist (either as a consultant or full-time), someone who is strong in the practice of product management and has enough aptitude about the domain to ramp up credibly. The expert generalist will bring a professional skillset and approach, while providing a fresh perspective and immediate impact in areas such as product strategy, product-market fit, competitive analysis, decision frameworks, and product roadmapping strategies. They can supplement existing product managers, or own the overall product management practice.

UX’ing with a Stutter: finding ways to communicate when your words won’t

I’ve had a stutter for as long as I can remember. When I tell people this, they don’t believe me because I speak fluently in everyday conversation. Only when I am anxious, nervous or very excited does my stutter spill out. This makes working in client services difficult, because a simple design presentation can be nerve-wracking. When presenting a design, especially a wireframe that details out the user experience that is intended for the site, you have to be very clear and precise. This presentation is important: You need the client to buy into the structure of the site, the information architecture, and the proposed interactions. To anyone, that would be quite a daunting task. To someone who stutters, it can seem impossible. I have created my own rituals to deal with this necessary part of my job. I have my thoughtful bullet points outlining what I want to say ahead of time and I remind myself to “speak slowly, take breaths, you will be fine.” But it only takes one hiccup, one word my brain will not allow me to say, to throw all of that preparation out of the window. My palms get sweaty, I get flustered, and I stumble and rush through the presentation, craving that finish line like a marathon runner.

Stuttering, as defined by The Stuttering Foundation is, “A communication disorder in which the flow of speech is broken by repetitions (li-li-like this), prolongations (lllllike this), or abnormal stoppages (no sound) of sounds and syllables. There may also be unusual facial and body movements associated with the effort to speak. Stuttering is also referred to as stammering.” The Stuttering Foundation goes on to explain that there are four factors that most likely contribute to the development of stuttering: genetics, child development, neurophysiology and family dynamics. Stuttering affects more than 70 million people worldwide, and is most commonly found in males.

The late Joseph Sheehan, PH.D, developed what is known as, “The Iceberg of Stuttering” to help people who don’t stutter understand some of the truly paralyzing affects it can cause. On the surface, what others see are emotions like anger, shame, and panic. Stutterers tend to withdraw and break eye contact. When I experience a block with a client, I feel bad for them because I am making the situation awkward and uncomfortable, and I feel bad for my team for not being a “team player.” It’s a bit self deprecating, but the feeling that you’re somehow not pulling your own weight is hard to live with. Below the “water line” the iceberg is bigger, and much more intense. Feelings of anxiety, unworthiness, dread and even suicidal thoughts are what the stutterer keeps hidden from the world as a result of this condition.

I’ve had several instances of what I would call bad stuttering, and they mostly have revolved around my presentations with clients in a professional setting. They all start the same: we introduce ourselves, and the “floor” is passed to me, and I begin my presentation. I’ll start by explaining the reason for why we are here, and then I’ll dive into the document (sitemap, user flow, wireframe, or whatever relevant document we’re discussing that day). I’ll usually have easy and fluent speech at first, but it only takes one word that I can’t say, or one interruption I didn’t intend, to mess me up completely. I’ll panic and begin to quicken my pace. Unfortunately, a lot of the meaning behind what I’m trying to convey with my presentation slips my mind as I focus on simply completing the presentation so I can be done with speaking.

One instance I can recall clearly was a wireframe design presentation to one of our higher education clients. I had several ideas and thoughts I was excited to convey to them, and I began by taking my time, explaining the header and utility navigations in detail. Now for some stutterers, certain words feel impossible to say at the moment, so instead, we use another word to convey what we mean, sometimes confusing the client. In this instance I could not say the word “utility” and so I kept referring to it as the top navigation. The client eventually got confused when I called the “main navigation” the “top navigation” and they stopped me mid sentence to ask me to clarify. Seeing my struggle, a coworker jumped in and clarified for me, but the panic and anxiety had already set in and I was on my way to one of the worst presentations I’ve ever given. I tried to pick up where I left off, and slowly began to explain the “main feature area” of their website, but kept getting interrupted with questions. Some clients tend to interrupt when they’re confused by something; I completely understand and respect that. As a stutterer, when I am interrupted and taken out of my cadence, it’s really hard for me to get back into it, especially when I am anxious with added pressure about doing a good job and impressing an important client. It’s difficult to convey complicated ideas and interactions on a website when you’re struggling to simply say the word “feature.”

Luckily, I have recently found some help in the form of group speech therapy. Every Tuesday evening a small group of about fifteen people from all walks of life meet in a little classroom within the walls of Boston University to stutter freely. This place is a safe haven for those with severe stutters, or even those like me, who only stutter in high-stress situations. Each week a graduate student facilitates the lesson, and we break into small groups to discuss. This semester we plan to go over techniques to help when we are in the throws of stuttering, and we will be practicing “mindfulness” which is a technique that helps the stutterer focus on the present, and not worry about past mistakes, or future problems.  Mindful.org’s article, “Speaking without Stammering” says, “Those who stammer know all too well that saying to themselves “I don’t want to stammer” or “I will not stammer” is almost invariably self-defeating. The reason is obvious. Affirmations can be useful with certain types of problems, but not with a problem of this kind. The metaphysical “law of indirectness” (i.e. don’t attempt to put a thought or problem out of one’s mind directly but rather let the problem slip from the sphere of conscious analysis) is the right way to proceed. Don’t try … instead, let.” The act of being at peace, and almost friends with your stutter is an idea that is very foreign to me. Since I can remember I have tried to suppress it, sound normal, and avoid words I knew I couldn’t get out.

For most stutterers, “changing your voice” such as singing, whispering or shouting, can often diminish your stutter. “The bottom line is this: Whenever a child or adult who stutters talks differently than the way he usually does, he will be fluent. That includes using a stage voice or a foreign accent or dialect, whispering, singing, speaking to a rhythmic beat, using ‘baby talk' and speaking at a lower or higher pitch than normal. Besides sounding and feeling unnatural, however, these ‘tricks' rarely produce long-term fluency” according to The Stuttering Research Lab of The University of Iowa.

In today’s digital age, there is an app for everything, and stuttering is no exception. “Proactive Speaking” is a mobile speech training app with inspirational videos and talks about managing your stutter. “Stuttering: Simple Techniques to help Control your Stutter” is a similar kind of app with a corresponding book that promises, “The embarrassment of stuttering can be behind you if you follow these simple steps.” Just like with anything else, there is a wealth of knowledge out there for stutterers and it can be hard to find tools that really work. For me, I’ve found podcasts to be helpful. StutterTalk is the first and longest running podcast on stuttering. What I love about this podcast is how open and honest they are about stuttering. Host Peter Reitzes openly stutters, and each episode he talks to a different guest about a topic related to stuttering. I love that the host himself is a stutterer because he humanizes stuttering in a wonderful way. Another great podcast for stuttering is Stuttering is Cool. Started by Daniele Rossi, Stuttering is Cool is a self help book, and podcast that focuses on living with a stutter but truly living, not allowing your stutter to dictate how you live your life. In addition to podcasts and apps, I’ve found several You tube videos on the topic of stuttering. I really enjoyed the short “Let me finish: A Stuttering Documentary” which interviews three stutterer’s, and their past experiences with speaking fluently.

What I love about these apps, podcasts and videos, is how they make stuttering human. Growing up, I was taught that speech impediments are funny. Look at Porky Pig, Sylvester the cat, and Elmer Fudd. Their speech problems provided comic relief for millions of children around the globe, and silently ingrained in their heads that those who speak differently are okay to laugh at. Luckily, the reality of stuttering is being brought to light in a very humanizing way lately. With Colin Firth winning an Oscar for The Kings Speech, showing the world that even great men can stutter, and the 2015 short film, “Stutterer” that shows the painful reality some stutterers live. These films, along with countless others are shedding new light on stuttering, and showing the world that our speech may be different, but we’re still just like you.

For as long as I can remember whenever I’ve felt my stutter coming on, I would avoid the word I was trying to say, or just rush through the conversation. In client services, this is not an efficient way to communicate. My designs rely on effective communication skills to get buy-in from my clients. I’ve tried to ignore my stutter, I’ve tried pumping myself up to shake out the anxiety, I’ve tried laughing at myself, rushing through presentations; I’ve tried it all. Maybe it’s time I opened my arms to my stutter and just allowed it to be a part of me. It’s time I accepted my stutter as a part of me, and not as something I need to hide.